Image: Unsplash, downloaded (https://unsplash.com/photos/05kxiwYKINo) 4.7.2021.
The Poet at Eighteen
wrote everything by hand
in a notebook bound in black velvet
and gilded her words in earnest
and unbearable melodrama
gave birth to language
in erratic moments of uncontrolled fever,
like something rabid
in the throes of a painful contortion
wore a black trench coat
a size too large
and sat in the windowsill of her dorm room,
listening to Spineshank
and trying not to be so insecure
and wishing not to be so insecure
stood outside with her friends
while they smoked clove cigarettes
cultivated a taste for insomnia
had a boyfriend who was much bigger
and much angrier
than she was
was always a little surprised that anyone
liked her at all
sat in poetry workshop, nauseous
in anticipation of being exposed as a fraud,
discomposed by how much smarter and better
everyone else seemed,
and trying not to be so insecure,
and wishing not to be so insecure
the poet at eighteen
took everything too seriously
and walked headlong into clichés
and ate too much candy
and read through the night instead of sleeping
and fell asleep in the library’s green easy chairs
and kept writing
About the Author: Cara Losier Chanoine is the author of 'How a Bullet Behaves' and 'Bowetry: Found Poems from David Bowie Lyrics' (Scars Publications). She is a four-time competitor at the National Poetry Slam and her work has appeared in DASH, Red Fez,The Threepenny Review, and other publications.
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