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  • Rachel Rodman

So-to-Eat: Rachel Rodman

Poetry and food always work well together. It is exactly so in the case of 11 food-themed prose-poems framed as "recipes" by Rachel Rodman.

Rachel Rodman writes fairy tales, food poetry, and popular science. Her work has appeared at Fireside Fiction, Grievous Angel, Expanded Horizons and elsewhere.


So-to-Speak, So-to-Eat: 11 Recipes

Good Grammar Don’t Matter -5 infinitives, split -If you can, add some conditionals. -2-3 synonyms, together with some additional words, meaning much the same thing Sprinkle with semicolons; any old place; you can’t have too many. Don;t sk;im;p; Be eating that, we is.

Evergreen -1 green parrot, taxidermied -1 emerald treefrog, mummified -1 Douglas fir branch, gilded with a transparent plastic coat Immerse in broth (6 parts embalming fluid, 1 part pesto). Stir. Keep stirring. And stirring.

Lest We Forget -1 elephant brain, boiled Grind with a steel trap.

Counting Your Chickens -7 yolks -19 early-stage chick embryos -11 late-stage chick embryos Strain through abacus beads. Scramble.

The Measure of a Man -100 trillion Y-chromosomes, deep fried -500 snips, spiced -50 snails, buttered -5 puppy dog tails, salted Boil, grunt. Boil, grunt. Sprinkle with testicles.

Joke Book Granola To an airplane barf bag (Ha-Ha!), add: -100 boo-berries -50 quackers -2 large ham-booger patties Knock-knock; knock-knock until the ingredients are reduced to bite-sized fragments, or until--at last--it can be determined who is there.

The Camel Snap the vertebrae of a small dromedary, via the incremental addition of cereal stalks, one at a time. Mince meat, very fine, by forcing it through the eye of a needle. Flame broil.

Brainstorm To a blender, add: -1 neural net from a jellyfish -12 earthworm ganglia -3 frog pituitary glands -1 horse hippocampus -2 gorilla frontal lobes Liquefy, high speed.

Something’s Missing -6 dwarfs -3 Beatles -2 Musketeers -1 turtledove And then…

You Couldn’t Cook It Less -2 figs, diced -1 rat’s anus, sautéd Stir with a bow from the world’s smallest violin. Add some other stuff, too--or not. Whatever.

In a Nutshell -20 almonds, distilled to their essence -10 walnuts, with the extraneous hulls pried away Basically: a heap of pistachios Then--anyway--just eat them.


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The image of Quasimodo is by French artist Louis Steinheil, which appeared in  the 1844 edition of Victor Hugo's "Notre-Dame de Paris" published by Perrotin of Paris.


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